


Das lila Lied

by AJofthe



Category: Jeeves & Wooster
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJofthe/pseuds/AJofthe
Summary: Claude drags Bertie and Jeeves into a right stitch, but the unknowing involvement of an old friend of Bertie's helps set things right.
Relationships: Reginald Jeeves/Bertram "Bertie" Wooster
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Das lila Lied

"And then after we'd had breakfast, she laid out how much her services usually cost!" Bertie didn't immediately register the implications of the story since Claude immediately buried his head in his hands and when it did strike him, he immediately looked at Jeeves. Jeeves' usual impassive face bore none of the usual hints of disapproval and Bertie decided to be cautiously optimistic that he could count on his valet despite the unsavory nature of the occurrence. 

"An unfortunate turn, cousin mine, but not one that's likely to come around and water down one's drink." He said and caught a thought that had been wiggling in the back of his mind since Claude had begun the story. "Did the fille expect you to pay her for services rendered?" Bertie knew exactly how much of an allowance his cousins' received and such services could be quite pricey.

"That's the thing, Bertie!” Claude bleatted, jerking upright and taking a huge gulp of his B&S. “She didn't! And she laughed at me after she'd explained herself and saw my horrified face. She told me that she'd thought I was young, but hadn't realized I was still at Oxford until she… we were more involved. Bertie, what if she tells Aunt Agatha?" Claude looked petrified. "I'd be sent to Africa in a moment!" 

Bertie glanced at Jeeves again and their gazes met, silent communication about whether or not Claude’s assessment of the risk was accurate was exchanged. To both of them, it seemed more likely that an aunt would be horrified that she had met such an uncouth personage. Although punishment for inciting such an occurrence seemed possible. 

Bertie turned back to Claude who had just downed the rest of his B&S. Jeeves shimmered to refill it. "I doubt Aunt Agatha would ever have a reason to encounter such a girl. Can you imagine Aunt A in the Mottled Oyster?" Bertie mused aloud and the thought caught his attention for a moment, but then he shook his head and focused again on his upset dear and close relation. 

"She could just send a note, Bertie, and then I'd be sunk." Claude looked ill at the thought. Jeeves coughed as he presented a fresh B&S. 

"It might, sir, be sufficient to make it evident to the young lady that you are, in fact, not a wealthy man and your more wealthy relatives would be unlikely to care if such knowledge was made public." He said. "This could be done by you or a relative encountering her in the club and telling a story about your aunt refusing to pay for such blackmail.” 

Claude looked stunned and then delighted and both he and Jeeves turned to look at Bertie. 

Bertie knew that look all too well--Jeeves was going to insist that he take part in this insane scheme. "Alright, describe the girl. Distinctive hair or moles? The girl at the cinema last night had a distinctive brooch." He inquired, thinking fondly back to the film and it's simple, happy ending. 

Claude considered. "She was tall, blonde, and had the most amazing green eyes. And she wore a beautiful pearl choker." Bertie nodded vaguely and reassured his cousin that they would locate and dissuade the girl, another concerning thought building in the back of his head. Claude thanked them and fled the flat, muttering about strong drink.

"I certainly could use a strong drink." Bertie said and went to the bar. Pouring himself a generous glug of cognac, he took a sip to take the edge off of what he suddenly suspected was a much more complicated situation than his cousin had portrayed. 

Then he turned to Jeeves. His valet was watching him with carefully hooded eyes. Bertie had to smile, despite his concerns. Jeeves knew him too well, even without Bertie saying anything. Helpful almost always, but not in this case. 

"Jeeves, I know you have the night off and I don't want you to concern yourself with this unsavory business until you have returned. This isn't the worst pile that the twins have found themselves in. I'll dine out tonight as planned and we can reconvince in the morning." He took another sip and ignored Jeeves' beetled brows. But his valet took him at his word and as soon as Jeeves had slipped away into the service wing to do whatever preparations he did before his night off, Bertie headed to the phone to shift about his dinner plans.

The hotel deskboy greeted him with a smile and presented him with the usual key. The number 13 glinted in the soft light of the lobby and Bertie hummed as he took the lift to the third floor and walked towards the door marked Staff. A man stood outside of it and Bertie nodded at him. "What ho, Tompkins." He greeted and the man bowed slightly. 

"Her ladyship is expecting you, sir." He said and opened the door. 

A sumptuous apartment sprawled before him, decorated in a more modern style than Jeeves would ever allow. The piano by the window was identical to his New York Steger & Sons and, as he always was, Bertie was struck with the urge to immediately sit and bang something out. But his hostess awaited. 

Her ladyship was puttering about the cocktail table, mixing drinks, and met him with a kiss on the cheek and a cocktail. “They were calling this the Spanish Cake at the Mottled Oyster last week,” Evangeline said, as they clinked glasses. Bertie sipped, not expecting the hint of absinth, but enjoying it as the orgeat and fino sherry muted the harsher flavors into something soothing and earthy. 

“Lovely as always, Evie old thing. And directly on point with the question I wanted to ask.” He knew she didn’t appreciate uncertainty any more than he did and she dimpled at his directness, allowing him to take her arm and escort her to the settee and chairs by the fireplace. They swayed together on the way, their bodies settling against each other with long familiarity and her height allowing their heads to come together with just the slightest lean. 

She flounced down onto the settee, sprawling out in an elegant way that emphasized her slim figure, the length of her legs, the deep cut of her gown, and the sparkling choker of diamonds that wrapped around her neck. “I assume this is about your cousin? You never told me he was one of us!” Evie was obviously quite put out by that and Bertie immediately assured her that he had not been aware of Claude’s leanings, settling into the chair beside her. 

Evie fussed for only a moment more and then mused, tapping her glass. “Well, that does explain why Mads said he didn’t at first seem to realize who he was flirting with, even though his friend was a friend of hers. And that he was very inexperienced. She did find him very eager though. I can only imagine like we were back in Oxford.” She looked up from under her eyelashes and Bertie couldn’t help his fond smile and lifted up his glass to clink it with hers. 

“Can’t say I don’t miss those days when we were roommates on the reg, my dear Evie,” he said, and caught her hand for a worshipful kiss. She cooed slightly and let the tips of her fingers caress his lips as she drew her hand back. He took a deep breath and turned his attention back to the matter not at hand. “But I think Claude started to feel a little less sanguine about the whole thing. He called this afternoon, asking for Jeeves’ usual magic to make sure that Mads didn’t blackmail him over it. Which was enough for me to start having visions of just the imbroglio we’re going to find ourselves in if we don’t figure out a plan. And one that preferably does not have me introducing my cousin to the Rules of our kind of engagements because he’s certain to blackmail me with it later if I try.” 

Evie paled and grabbed his hand, her eyes narrowing. “He’s that kind of relative then.” She purred angrily and Bertie nodded sharply, taking a gulp of his drink and immediately regretting it. It really was too fine a drink for such mistreatment--just like Evie and her girls. 

The door opened as they both pondered the issue. “Evie, Tompkins said we had a guest?” A deep and familiar voice asked as an average height, broad man, dressed in the newest American styles, sidled into the room, setting down a huge double bass case as he entered. The man immediately smiled at the sight of Bertie and bound across the room to greet each Bertie and Evie with a kiss, Evie’s far more involved. 

He made a face afterwards. “Still drinking that swill cocktail that Gregor invented, I see. I’m going to grab a glass instead.” Moving towards the bar, he shot a hot look over his shoulder. “Bertie, I hope you’re here for the night. It’s been ages!” 

Evie sighed. “Peter, darling, Bertie is unfortunately here on business. And not the fun kind of business where he decides to give me gobs of money for my newest idea. One of his cousins doesn’t appear to be in the know in the usual way and spent a night with Mads and is now all worked up.”

Peter mph-ed and was frowning as he turned around with his cognac. Evie patted her lap and Peter’s grin flashed white against his dark skin as he sauntered over and without a hint of shyness, settled into his wife’s lap. 

“Should we get him in the know, since he’s bound to try this again or is he not the right sort?” Peter asked and Evie and Bertie began to lay out the facts. 

Bertie didn’t return home until well after 4am and was, much more than he usually was at that hour, extremely careful not to make a sound as he slipped into his bedroom and stripped off his clothes. As a general rule, he kept his liaisons to the weeks in the summer when Jeeves went on vacation or the nights when Jeeves was truly off. The risk of indulging when there was one of their brouhahas was too high and usually took the edge off any enjoyment. But Evie had understood his distress about the entire situe all too well and had been extra charming and Peter was such an excellent musician. Dinner had quickly turned into several rounds of piano with bass with Evie eventually slipping into a strip tease across the entire apartment and it wasn’t as if Peter or Bertie could have resisted that.

His clothes were a mess of wrinkles despite his best efforts, but hopefully Jeeves wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the wrinkles gained from being left on Evie’s floor or his own bedroom floor. 

As Bertie settled into his bed, he let the twinges and aches wash over him and the memories of Evie’s oh-so-familiar cock fucking into him and Peter’s truly spectacular kisses and the noises he’d made when Bertie had sucked his cock drag him into sleep. 

They’d settled on Mario’s so on Tuesday night, Bertie dragged Claude out for a fortifying meal, the conversation quickly turning to a cricket match that Eustace had decided must be had between them and some lads from Cambridge. 

They were almost to dessert before Mads swanned by their table to settle at the bar and Claude immediately ordered Bertie to attend to the deed. Bertie had become somewhat convinced that she wasn’t going to show given how late she was and was extremely grateful as he ambled up to the bar. Mads shot him an inviting look as he approached and he returned it with his usual wide-eyed grin. 

“Buy me a drink?” She asked, after he’d settled and was glancing over the menu. 

“Only if you want to drink it with my cousin and me,” he said with a wink and then they settled into a pleasant conversation about how he knew Evie. A few minutes in, Mads purposefully glanced at Claude and then turned back to Bertie to whisper in his ear. 

“He’s heading over,” she said a few minutes later and he pulled back and grinned at her before beginning a long, drawn out story about Agatha throwing a fillie out of her house for the impudence. Mads nodded and responded with a story about her own aunts and the bartender eventually interrupted to ask if they’d like another round. Bertie glanced back at his table, where Claude was now digging into his dessert with vigor and declined, while instructing that anything Mads wanted should be added to his tab. 

“I don’t suppose you’d want to get together again?” She asked softly, after the bartender had left. She was looking up from under her lashes and making a very pretty picture of herself. 

“I’m a bit too old for you, my dear, but do enjoy your night,” Bertie said and she gave him a very disappointed look, but let him use that excuse to slip back to his table. 

The peach tart at Mario’s as one of Bertie’s favorites, but the return of Claude’s usual energy meant that he devoured almost all of it by the time Bertie returned. Giving up on the night, he took the remaining bite, downed his port, and suggested they retire to Berkeley Mansions. 

With a satisfied Claude dispatched, Bertie sank into his favorite chair with a deep sigh and a headache. He rubbed his forehead and almost jumped when Jeeves materialized with a tray. Something that wasn’t a cocktail and wasn’t the usual restorative filled a highball. 

“I have been assured by one of the new members of the Ganymede Club that this restorative assists with headaches.” He murmured and Bertie took it with a thankful groan. He had drunk most of it and was feeling marginally better when Jeeves finished cleaning up Claude’s drink. And began dusting the bookshelf intentionally.

“You can dispose of my new paisley tie however you wish, Jeeves. My gratitude for dealing with this.” Bertie would miss the tie, but this was their arrangement. 

Jeeves stopped dusting and examined the feathers in the duster with great attention. “I do not believe I have, in fact, done anything to remedy the situation, sir. It was all your efforts.” Jeeves’ lips pursed. “A Lady Evangeline called while you were at Mario’s. She requested that I pass along a message that Madeline might be late because she’d just had an emotional exchange with one of her regulars.” Jeeves’ distaste for the last word was clear, but his tone remained even. “However, it was obvious when I arrived at Mario’s that you had everything in hand and the message was unnecessary and so I returned here.” 

Jeeves was very clearly dying from curiosity or had the worst ideas in his head and Bertie wasn’t quite sure what to say. And also was surprisingly angry at Evie for calling, although she certainly had been right that it had put him off his game. 

"Dash it, Jeeves, please don’t jump to any conclusions. She's just an old friend." Bertie shrugged. "I may have given her a bit blunt to start up her little enterprise." 

Jeeves' eyebrows went skyhigh. 

Bertie lifted his hand and waggled his fingers helplessly. "Not that business. Evie certainly didn’t need my help with that back when she did that. But we’ve known each other for decades. And after I’d finished at Oxford, she and one of her friends with similar tastes were doing as the younger girls do now, but there was a fuss and they determined that it was safer and easier to be hoteliers. I was so glad they were changing careers that I invested and bought them the hotel building and put up the ante for the interiors and decor and such. Now they have three other hotels, one in New York, and a few clothier stores too and Evie has quite the eye for trends and business. She also hates to see the young ones get taken advantage of, so she does her best to keep them in line. That’s how she knows Mads.” 

He could barely bring himself to look, but Jeeves just looked pensive. And he nodded after a moment. “Lady Evangeline’s hotels have a very generous reputation within the service community.” He volunteered and turned to leave the room. 

Bertie relaxed back into his chair, relieved that his mostly true explanation had been accepted. 

At the door, Jeeves paused. And then turned back around. Bertie tried to look as if he wasn’t so relieved. Jeeves clasped his hands behind his back and looked almost pained. “Lady Evangeline also insisted that I speak to Peter. I know the gentleman from New York City and my efforts on behalf of Mr. Todd.” 

Bertie blinked. “What a small world, Jeeves. Although I suppose I knew that Peter had been quite the success in the new world, so I shan't be surprised you met him. He’s such an excellent musician and so in demand. We’ve muddled through some quite enjoyable playing when I’ve been to dinner. And Evie loves him so.” He was, Bertie realized to his own surprise, somewhat jealous of how entirely happy the two of them were. It was also just lovely to see them so happy. But it did mean he sometimes wished for that kind of thing for himself. 

“Indeed, sir. When we spoke, Peter told me that I must take some degree of responsibility for their marriage.” Jeeves continued to look quite pained. “Apparently, he and Lady Evangeline met at a club I recommended to him. The Criterion.” 

Bertie did not gape. But it was a close call. The Criterion was certain high class, but it was also well known for being a safe meeting space for particular types of men and women in the know. 

After a moment, he took a sip of his drink to clear his throat and met Jeeves’ eyes directly. “Good luck that. Evie hates most of our more obvious clubs. She decided after we’d been out of Oxford for a year that she’d never be caught dead in the Running Horse ever again. She occasionally can be convinced to trot along to the Fitzroy or the Criterion though.” 

Jeeves seemed to melt into something even beyond his usual relaxed state as Bertie named the other two clubs. His eyes were the darkest shade of brown that Bertie had ever seen them as a slight smile quirked up his lips. “Lady Evangeline clearly has excellent taste. Both in husbands and in clubs. I also do not enjoy that establishment nor particularly the Fitzroy, although I also mentioned the latter to Peter.” Jeeves’ tone was very, very relieved and Bertie realized that he himself was grinning inanely.

They stared at each other for another moment and then Bertie stood. “I need a drink,” he said and moved over to pour a B&S, heavy on the B, and offered Jeeves one as well, since this particular occasion seemed to call for such. Jeeves’ acceptance was not surprising, but Bertie was glad for it. 

“You have pointed out repeatedly, sir, that I am very observant. But this particular revelation about you took me completely by surprise,” Jeeves admitted, sipping on his B&S. 

Bertie studied his face and then grinned as every indication was that he had slipped this particular fact past the indomindable brain of Jeeves. “I have been bally careful over the years,” he admitted, “as I assume you have been too.” 

Jeeves nodded gravely. 

“I am a bit shocked that you didn’t guess after that time we ran into Frankie and he almost kissed me,” Bertie admitted and Jeeves’ brow beetled. 

“Lord Herngreves would kiss almost anyone,” he drawled and Bertie had to laugh at that. 

“A truer statement has never been made,” he admitted and gestured them both into the matching armchairs by the bar. Jeeves looked hesitant for only a moment. 

Bertie couldn’t stop grinning. “To be honest, old thing, I don’t know that this will change much aside from eliminating my absolute terror about your discovery of one of my little indulgences. But my mind feels so much lighter.” 

Jeeves nodded sharply. “The ability to relax at home is unique and comforting. And I believe keeping this secret when there is so little that we do not know of each other after all of these years has been particularly burdensome.” He cocked his head and his dark eyes narrowed. Bertie just waited as he put together various pieces of a story that Bertie himself probably could barely tell. 

“You visit Lady Evangeline, and now Peter, every few months. And you take lovers when I am on holiday or on my days off. But you have not had a long term partner since I entered your service.” Jeeves sounded very definitive and Bertie shrugged. 

“Dead on. I did seriously think of marrying those first few years, since it is expected. But you are so bally good at pulling me out of those messes and everyone seems well fooled,” Bertie mused, lifting his glass towards Jeeves. “So unless it was one of Evie’s girls, it just didn’t seem worth it.” 

Jeeves raised his glass in response and they both seemed perfectly content to sip their drinks and soak it in. Until Jeeves’ curiosity got the best of him. “Are all of her girls like her?” He asked and Bertie shrugged. 

“You haven’t met her, but Evie was very lucky in her looks. She always wears a choker, but aside from that, it’s extremely rare nowadays that anyone would ever guess. Several of the girls are a bit more obvious. Benny prefers to be Benny or Beatrice and, when we went together, really quite enjoyed switching between the two as the mood struck him. Part of the reason why they weren’t for me.” 

Jeeves nodded pensively and then looked up from under his eyelashes. “That would not be my preference either.” He said and Bertie wanted to gulp his drink, but didn’t. He couldn’t tear his eye from Jeeves’ and the other man didn’t seem to want to break their gaze either. 

“Peter suggested that we both attend a dinner with them in the near future.” He said after a moment. 

Bertie’s brain did not process that particularly well. But there was one thing that needed to be clear. “If we do that, I cannot do it as Wooster and Jeeves. It would have to be Bertie and Reginald or whatever you’d prefer.”

Dark eyes met his. “I think Reginald will work quite well, Bertie,” he said. And they continued to sit, well into the evening, chatting about various common friends and early experiences.

Over breakfast the next day, it seems as if nothing has changed, but their eyes meet several times and Jeeves' hand settled against his shoulder before brushing away a stray dust mite and Bertie knew that everything had.


End file.
